Marysue Shaw Marysue Shaw
Recommendations: 1

The little word "as" should be replaced with "which". "As" kind of gives an element of present tense to the act, which was clearly in the past, right?

Marysue Shaw Marysue Shaw
Recommendations: 1

What does "shocked" look like, feel like, taste like, etc. for you? Show, don't tell:)

Richard Z. kruspe Richard Z. kruspe
Recommendations: 16

hi-its all a mystery still even if time passes by to me its all a nightmare that wont go away..its like if summone is spinning me in circles and wont stop..sounds drown my body out

Samantha Wright Samantha Wright
Recommendations: 18

I hadn't *been in a place where it was this quiet.

Summer Breeze Summer Breeze
Recommendations: 19

...and ASKED me if i could walk?

Marysue Shaw Marysue Shaw
Recommendations: 1

Yes, asked me if I could walk would be better, And how did he realize you couldn't see? That has to be shown, not told:)

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Richard Z. kruspe Richard Z. kruspe
Recommendations: 16

First Day on my Own

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Title: First Day on my Own

First day on my own
Being blind
With no lights
And no guide

I walked with my walking stick
As my friend had spent months
Teaching me to put my hearing to use 1 comment

Now I went to the city and everything came rushing on me
Like an avalanche crushing my ears
I was shocked but tried to be brave
And walk slowly
Counting steps towards the store 2 comments

I heard two voices
They greeted me and asked to help me
They knew I was not the same and could not
Know their intentions
But I agreed
They helped and I paid the cashier

I walked out and they walked with me
But I lost count of my steps and the sounds
I hadn’t been in a place where it was this quiet
I grew nervous and scared 1 comment

Then they pushed me off to the ground
And took my backpack
I didn’t struggle
I tried to hold on to my walking stick
But they yanked it off my hand
And cut me as I pulled with all my strength

I found myself crying
As I crawled on the ground
Calling for help
Ashamed that I couldn’t do anything
Tears didn’t stop
As this sadness filled me

I crawled and crawled trying to find my walking stick
Knowing they took it but hoping I would find it

In my backpack I had money
I had food
I had water for when I get thirsty
And I had a phone where my friend would call to
Check on me for anything every hour

I was lost…

A voice then came into light
And I curled up afraid

And begged for help…

It took my hand and assured me he would help me
He put me up to my feet
And asked if he could take me somewhere
But I stumbled; he didn’t know I was blind…
He looked at me and told me if I could walk
But I stretched my arms to find things to touch
And guide myself
Then he realized it… 2 comments

I asked him to dial a number on his phone
And called my friend and helper
Soon my friend arrived and walked me to his car
As we drove home

When we got there we talked but
I mostly cried
I feared that this was only one time
Of which more people would rob me
And I told him I would never go out there…

I told him to leave me
And he left
As he said good night
I went to bed
Crying and curled up I slept
My eyes felt soaked
And I covered in comfort from my warm blanket
Which kept me safe

Light appeared but I just wanted to be alone

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