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Rebekah King Rebekah King
Recommendations: 21


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For Fools

It’s been days now, and they’re laying me in the earth. In a big wooden box with handles and flowers. The box is painted black. I like black – it’s the colour of darkness. And darkness is where I’ll spend the rest of my days; in the earth, with the worms. With all the little things that wriggle between and go unnoticed. They’re unloved – unloved like me. I know their pain. Even though all these people have come to see me buried in the earth, I know their pain.

I haven’t felt loved for a long time. Even at the end, when my mother screamed and cried over me, and my father shouted to the heavens: why? Even now they don’t understand – don’t know why. How could they be so selfish, so blind? How could they not know? I don’t feel sorry for them. There’s no sympathy, only darkness. They lay me down to rest, in the earth with the worms, and there will be no peace for me.

It’s been weeks now, and there’s still no peace. No rest for the dead. My mother sits on the floor of my room. The window is open; I hate her for it. I hate the light that floods the room. Tears stream down her cheeks as she goes through my things. She is folding my clothes – the clothes that I wore on the day the door came down. She is sobbing softly, trying to be quiet, not alert my father. She brushes her hand over the fabric and whispers: I’m sorry. I want to wring her neck.

My father walks in. He sees my mother. He kneels down next to her on the pale beige carpet; the stains masked by the light. He puts his arm around her shoulder and whispers words of comfort. He tells her it’ll be okay. Tells her I’m in a better place now. Tells her I’m happy and I’m not hurting anymore. Now I want to wring his neck.

It’s been months now, and they’re moving on. Picking up the threads of their lives. Talking to friends; laughing. Laughing when I’m not there. But it doesn’t matter anymore. They know now – they understand. They saw the darkness and they found the source. They see now, they’re not blind. They’ve found peace, and there’s no more reason to be angry.

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