Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

I'm getting worried (by) the minute

Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

Natalie; you should leave spaces in your writing. It helps us let you know where corrections need to be made. The one added above is a correction that needs to be made near the bottom about 10 lines up. :)

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Natalie Leclerc Natalie Leclerc
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Untitled (For Now)...

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Under the Double Star - Chapter One

A little part of a book I'm going to write and finish. Need comments of what ya'll think. Please. *This is just a little sample*

As Bree punched out from her shift at Hallmark, she reached for her cell in her bag to call Tyler. He said he would call when he returned home from seeing his aunt in San Diego but so far her cell phone remained empty. No text message, voice mail, or email. "That's not like him, not to call" she thought but tried not to let it  worry her and decided she would try to call when she got home. When she reached again for her phone before getting into the car thinking, "well I should call him anyway, just to make sure he's ok."
She dialed and waited helplessly on the other end waiting to hear his soothing voice to reassure her things are ok, and he was safe. "Hi you have reached Ty..." She clicked the end button quickly. "Whats going on?" She thought. Worried thoughts flooded her mind, all the multiple crash scenes from movies, a robbery, something. Its California; something bad has happened her mind kept telling her. When Bree arrived home, ate a bowl of cold soup trying not to think of him not answering or calling she decided to check the house phone. Still nothing. Where was he? Why hadn't he called? Is something wrong? From where she sat she saw her bag suddenly light up from her phone. "Ty!" she called out. Grabbing her phone she answered;
"Hi Tyler. Why haven't you called? Where have you been? Are you..." But was quickly cut off by Jude. Her neighbor across the way.
"Woah sorry B, (he always called her B even when she insisted he didn't) you sound worried is everything ok? I was just calling to see how your day was."
"Hi Jude, yeah I'm ok its just Tyler hasn't called at all today or texted I'm getting worried but the minute."
"I'm sure he's ok B. Relax, do you want me to come over?"
"No, I have a bunch of Journalism homework to do. Maybe later?"
"Ok you know where to reach me."
"Yeah B?"
"Thank you."
She heard him click off. But what she didn't know was that he was falling even more for her than she realized. Jude had lived across from her for 2 years, and ever since he saw her that was it. She was his one, the only issue was Tyler in his way. 2 comments

--Thats just a little sample. Thoughts? comments?--Thanks!

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