Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

"I thought that she (wouldn't) die until was 80 or something like that."

Daniela Bustamante Daniela Bustamante
Recommendations: 10

Thank you for catching that Cindy. What is up with my comments?! It highlights the whole thing; It's really irritating me

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Daniela Bustamante Daniela Bustamante
Recommendations: 10

Daniela Loves Everyone (Almost)

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She had a friend.

For Holly Lacy, who has remained faithful since I first started writing. For her incredible contribution to this story and her overflowing love. Jan 14, 2009

Hot pink nail polish, hair up or down, vans, black shirt, and bracelets… that’s me. That’s all me. Knowing the story behind me is a whole different deal. To everyone I seem like a shy person, to others, they see everyone and everything that’s affecting me. Emotions running through my head are all I know. I’m hiding everything that’s actually going on with me with a smile. Everyone is always saying ‘’ you are always so happy and cheerful.’’ WRONG WRONG WRONG. It’s all a lie. Behind that happy person is a person dissolving into pieces. Every day I wonder…

Every day I wonder if I can get any happier looking at my baby girl, I wonder if she is going to be shy or outgoing. Emotions running through my head are all I know. I’m expressing everything that’s actually going on with me with a smile. Everyone is always telling me ‘’you are always so happy and cheerful.’’ RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. Because of you all the pieces of my life are coming together…

Every day I wonder what do people really see when they look at me, someone who’s happy or someone who’s hurt? I don’t know what to think. People always come and talk to me about their problems and they ask me to help them, but how can I help them when I need help myself? It hurts so much when you go and talk to someone, you let out all your feelings, but they only hear what you say they DON’T listen to what you’re telling them. That breaks me inside. You know… moving on is a big part of your life, that’s what my best friend told me one time. For me it’s been hard to do that… well maybe not that hard, I’ve let certain things pass by me but it’s taken about a year.

A year! A year! I can’t believe it’s been one year. You’re growing up so fast. When I look in your eyes I see someone who’s happy. I hope you always stay that way. If you are hurting or sad, I will always be there to listen to you. This will be a big part of our lives. We will be the best of friends… and if we disagree, we will get over it right?

But at least I get over it right? They say that many things that happen in life happen for a reason. I believe that and then I don’t. You trip and fall… what was the point of that? Right? Someone passes away in your family… maybe there is something good behind that… I don’t mean that you’re happy that person passed away but maybe it opened up your eyes to realize how much you needed that person. This brings up another story… my mom, the dearest person I loved. I never thought she would leave me so early, I thought that she wouldn't die until she was 80 or something like that. Isn’t that what everyone thinks?

Where is the little girl I used to hold? I love talking with her but especially about her… which brings up another story about my daughter, the dearest person I love. I never thought I would leave her so young, I thought I would see my daughter get married and have children.

I loved her but I never thought she would go; I was crushed when I got the news. I think sometimes… maybe I would be a different person… maybe I would be a little nicer but because I don’t have her here with me, it’s all different. I think I would be so much of a happier person if she were here. Many people complain that their moms are bitches to them. They say that they wish they could move away from their moms because they get on their nerves… all I want is for my mom to be here! If they knew what it is like living without a mom they would appreciate them more and not complain about them. Oh how I wish people would really know how I feel; I’m not asking for people to feel sorry for me, I just want them to see the real person. But what can I do, I can’t be sad the whole time… so why not hide it with a smile.

I can’t stop smiling… life has been tough.

It works for me and it works for everyone else. Walking through life has been wonderful, even though bad things happen, it all ends up good in the end. Maybe the death of my mom is going to lead me to being a stronger person…

I hope it all ends up well, maybe the birth of my daughter is going to lead me to being a stronger person.

I would’ve preferred learning how to be strong in another way… you know? Learning how to be strong is important, very important.

I’m so weak, I can’t understand why? The days are running out, I can’t hang in there. But I have to get ready for the New Year’s Party.

It’s funny because every New Years I cry… this year I tried to hold it in but as always I fail. It brings tears to my eyes remembering everything that happened that certain year…this past year 2008, it was hard for me, many people hurt my feelings. But it’s all over now; I’ve left it in the past. Life is a journey and you just have get the best out of it and what’s not good, you just have suck it up… right? We have to remember to always be the bigger person and move on. Hot pink nail polish, hair up or down, vans, black shirt and bracelets… that’s me… that’s all me.

So here she is… hot pink nail polish, hair up or down, vans, black shirt, and bracelets… that’s her, that’s all my daughter… 2 comments

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