And again he took up his pen
To place upon pages
That his soul and heart may be heard
His message may be listened to
Though he has no voice
For the one, the only one
And he awoke
In dream
Once more I stood before the Seraph
Upon the brink of this world and the next
With a bright star illuminating the infinite sky
And behind me a gossamer stair descended
Yet all of this I saw so vaguely
For my eyes beheld the Angel once more
Once again I noticed her smile
The whisper of rose upon her cheeks
Soft luminescence within her eyes
A tender sheen of dewdrop red upon her lips
And her luscious waves and shimmering of hair
I inhaled all her intoxicating scent
The unknown essence
And yet this time I noticed
A flaw
Upon bright downy wings
I saw a slight shading a dimming of the white
There lay a breath of grey
A lamentation arose within me
But the Seraph gazed upon me to smile
Thus she spoke
As her words fell upon my ears
The unremitting serenade arose throughout
To sing with much despair so all would know
The reasons for the dimming of the sun
The shading of the vast skies
Why the moon rose to blot out the bright stars
To place sorrow here upon the edge of the world
Behind me the waves of lamentation hit the stair
To shatter the silken strands to dust
And within me a keening rose
From deep inside beyond the soul’s resting-place
Out from the depths it rose
To rage and unleash its wrath
To cause my blood to bubble and boil
To fill my body and mind with a conflagration
I raised my arms above
And opened my eyes wide gazing beyond
The rabid vortex of fire
To scream
I screamed, I screamed
To break my soul
She said
“We are slowly and always eroding
As we lose more and more
By little bits and little bits they fall
They are falling
Prey to the fading and wasting away
Of the nameless one and all his dark children
Those of dark hearts and souls dimmer still
And yet we weep to find such ones as you
Who fade as well
For we see in you the ability to listen to the rhythm of the world
To the celestial hymns of the stars
And you heed the whisperings of those around you
So we grieve for those of you with hearts and souls so bright
And despair when you lose yourselves to unbelief
We cry when the listening becomes a burden
And thus as you fade
So we erode
And bit little bit we fall
Are falling
I lament the loss of all I’ve ever known
And it frightens me
That all the glory-bright children who guide you at night
My brothers and my sisters
Whose tears fall for you and so many like you
Shall leave my sight forever
When comes the wasting
And the fading’s complete
Yet all my agonies for you outweigh mine own
For you truly believe in the vasting
All its loneliness
With its great nothingness and all its tranquil non-existence
I weep for the breath of grey upon your soul
Tainted thus from scars of the past
And I mourn for the one who may yet still come
To shed you of all armours and shrouding veils
For I wonder if you will struggle
And fight each step of the way
Because I fear the tainting and the fading
Has dug in too deep
Or will you allow the one to see
Behind the reflecting pools of your eyes
To converse with you
The one only I have seen so clearly
The one that hides deep inside
Behind those eyes
Willingly
For you the future I glimpsed
Was so bright
Because I saw in the palm of your hand
A key of hope
Such a key as could open any door
And yet I have watched with helpless wonder
As the hall of many doors began to lock
To one by one bar themselves
‘twas a time when you traded
The white rose for the red
So you might remain within your world a while longer
So that perhaps you might discover once again
The lost faith
And all the many wonders you used to see without the veils
The little things you had abandoned
And to this end you held the rose within your arms each mourning
To find the fresh reason why
Sorrow should stay his hand
And why
Why he should have left you alone
When it was you who brought yourself to the brink each day
To the edge of the world
He came into your life from afar
At first he stood and watched from a distance
He whispered not to you but to another
Then he stepped closer to call forth-another one
This one like you
Sorrow called forth Nanator and with him your soul
He faded and tainted your most precious gift
He reached out to fleck my wings with grey too that day
For that day he nearly filled the well again
Still he had barely begun and his work grew ever closer to us both
This time he whispered to you from a foot away
Thus thrice he reached out to call forth another
Yet each time ‘twas I who wept for our suffering
For no tears have fallen from thine eyes in many years
Still Sunder gave you something in return for all he had stolen
Didn’t he . . . didn’t he
For all the bits and pieces of your soul
You were given something so dearly precious it hurt to have it
And now you lament with a voice to be heard
By the few who were to know the one buried so deep inside
The few to be loved and to love you
Desolation knew this would be so
So he whispers to you often now and from afar
Knowing that you cannot help but to listen and to grieve
With your new voice
Though it rarely rises above a breath to be a whisper
It sings of your great disenchantment
Your disbelief and your faith in the void
It allows you to cry
To tell the tale and story of your greatest sorrow
Within you there lies a faith of something more
And the desire to see
And cause the light to glimmer within another’s eyes
One whose life could carry your hopes within them
To lend your strength to
One who might have all that you denied yourself
For these long and many years
So heavy upon your shoulders
And yet this can never be and this is what despairs you so
For none to follow you
None at all
Never
Never”
And thus she spoke to me plainly
To show me my loss of faith anew
So in her despair in her sorrow
My unbelief breathes again
My search for desolation reborn
For this knowledge too great to bear
Thus I fled and so it was
I ran
A great many years
I hid myself deep within
Beyond the reach of sunlight and the eye of the moon
And in the darkness
I tore out all that caused my pain
I read everything again
To see
And to know
Why it was I had
So long ago embraced wholly my unbelief
And I said
The Seraph with great clarity
And quiet calm
“Yes, all that you have said is well and holds truth
I am faithless
And I have nothing but good intentions
And lo
I have summoned forth the darkness and the great empty sorrow
Beckoned him and bade him take one
And yes my despair is deeply entrenched
With the knowledge that this twisted body is all I have
That all my visions of past and future are shadowed
For my aspirations will go no further
The bitter irony
My body
The mirror of this world
Hollow and empty
So empty
So I ask you this
What good is a voice without faith
With only unbelief to guide me
Down the road where misery walks beside me
Beside us all
Dressed with subtle graces
And veiled with uncouth ambiguity
And she is everywhere one cares to gaze and look
Even within the eyes and heart of the one, the only one
What and why would and how can I bring another into this abomination
Where we live this bitter and shredded Midgard
Don’t you see!?
And I could only nod my silent reply
For what could I say
How could I reply to her despair and grief
Of that which has yet to unfold
That which I . . .
Which I cannot ever bestow
Never share
I rage and I seethe for the promise made by your brother
His promise of another half to this empty shell
You see I had looked and I had searched
Even as I travelled so far across this desolation
And perhaps I have found the one, the only one
Thus it is Sorrow has granted me this voice
I scream and I wail and I mourn
In silence
Not for myself, but for the promised one the Archangel spoke of
And of the future pains and despair that I can only bring
Though I may yearn and strive to bring a gift
Of a tender smile
I fear the end
For the ungiveable
And she weighs heavy upon my soul
She does, she does
For like me she has thick armour and many veils
The shrouding
And she bears her own lamentation, which runs deep
So deep that it beckons and calls out to me
Though I cannot reach it
I cannot reach it I fear
And though it divides and rends my soul
And sunders me in two
For I know this will not always be so
I shall wait and wait with great patience
For this clashing of metals upon metals
The chilling paranoia of the frightened
Of the many times broken
And thrown away
So I may at last take it all and bury it within myself
Deep
Too deep to find
Where it can hurt us no more
And so it was that I told my affections the one truth
That mine is the faith of cynicism
A faith cold and without compassion of another to aid me
It is a faith that is not necessarily for others
And yet it is one that has served me true and well for so long
Faithfully
Has it guided me into the shadows and brought me back
Back into the light once more
Back from where souls are barren
And the land is unforgiven and so many go unredeemed
Where so many never know the kiss of redemption
It brought me back into the world in which you live
Where it is full of lush wonders
And it lives all around you
And such is its beauty that it binds me with every breath
And it sings to me with a wrenching lyric
So I forget all my aching desires and lacerations
Of my world where Sorrow rules and Pain is a dark and faded
Mistress
With laughter unseen and smiles unheard
And where I am alone
Like the many others all around me
All the empty shells
Of the void”
I fell into a well of silence then
Neither was the Angel inclined to break the stillness
And together we two
Sat with quiet contemplation
And for a time the sky grew light towards dawn
Though the sun did not yet shine
Nor did the moon set
And the fading remained steadfast
Heavy upon us both
But again I found within me a need to speak
So I turned to her
But she was faster and broke the silence first
