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Pheobe Myers Pheobe Myers
Recommendations: 9

dear friend

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soul mates

In loving memory of Sarah Cox. You are missed.

Dear old friend,

   It has been a while. I find myself thinking of you often. Sometimes ill hear you whispering into my ear at night. Your voice is so soft and sweet jus as it was all those years ago. I miss you. I thought i would be ok by now but the saddest of truths is i probably never will be. You haunt my mind. You were my only friend. You were so beautiful. The way you looked like snow white always made me believe i had escaped reality and been swept into a fairytale. I miss you.

    Do you remember the days we would play on the playground? Those times we would climb as high as we could and just soak in the sunshine. We would laugh at silly jokes and make our own make believe worlds. Those days were fun; but they are so far gone now. I miss you.

       The day I heard what happened was the hardest in my young life. We were just children. We were friends. And you were gone. I couldn't attend your funeral. I couldn't go to see your grave. I didnt get to say goodbye. I hear you though. So soft and sweet. I know that your never coming back. For a long while I tried to convince myself you were but your dead. And death has a terrible way of being permanent. I miss you.

       On long nights when I can't sleep I see you. Those final moments of your life. It breaks my heart. Seven is such a hard age to die. Sometimes I feel you. I feel your sadness. Your pain. Your urgency. Your robbed life. There's nothing more unfair than a young death. I want you back. I need you here. You understood me. You listened when no one else did. You cared. I miss you.

       The dark is back. I feel it creeping in. Into my mind to disturb and torment. Your watery grave is the bane of my dreams. I see you. Struggling and fighting. The dark waves slamming into you dragging you under. I see your anguished afraid face. Please dont leave! Your pulled farther and deeper from life. Your lungs burning with intensity of the sun. And your mind scattered and frantic. You would never get your first kiss. You would never go to highschool or attend prom. You would never date or get married. You would never have a family of your own. You would never truly live the life  you were meant to. In a way you avoided heartbreake and pain and suffering but you missed out on all the  good. As water kept crashing you kept trying. You didnt give up. But you can only fight for so long. Your lungs were shot. Your body was tired and your mind was drifting. And you let go. You left. You moved on. You passed away. You died and I miss you.

         You visit me sometimes but I still feel such grief. I know I am mad to think its really you but the hope that it is is what keeps the small bit of sanity I have left. I pray you are well. Oh my friend its so hard without you. When I hurt I feel as though I need and deserve pain. I do things that you would hate. You would be here to stop me. You would be here to make me feel better. You would be here to take away my pain. But your not. Your dead. And you will always be. You left. Your gone. Why do I still dwell so much on you? I dont know but I dont care. Old friend I will see again.tonight might not be the night but if so. Just know im sorry for what I will do. Im sorry fo the miss I will create. But I need to know where you are I need to see you. I need to know you are not just a whispering in my ears. My friend my beautiful friend. You are a ghost. My personal haunting. Why me? I pretend to be normal but you know im not. My ghost  please tell me I will be ok. You weren't. I feel the water in my lungs and the fear in my heart. Please I just want to leave. I miss you.

         You tell me things in whispers and voices. You say I have to live for the both of us. But im not living. Im just breathing.this. what im doing... this isn't life. Im a walking coma. Im dead just like you but only on the inside. I tear my flesh and cry out my eyes. My beautiful ghost can't you see when you haunt me I die a little more. Your saving me and killing me at the same time.  I need help. I need so much. You know my secret. The one I keep under lock and key. I wish it sunk to the ocean floor with you but it swallowed me whole. My friend im getting worse. You see it.  I just want to escape. To be wherever you are. Please my friend take me I beg. But you dont. You tell to live . You tell me to love and you tell me to thrive. But im not living. I dont know how to love and this sure as hell isn't thriving. But I will stay because its what you need. You need a life. You need love you need tragedy and events and happiness you need me just as much as I need you. I will stay my beautiful ghost but just know. I miss you.

                                                                                                                              Sincerely, your friend Pheobe

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