Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

"hands stained red" Red is a color. If you said "hands stained with blood" that is a substance, and reads OK. "Stained with red blood" would read OK too.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

"as it fills my lungs and stomach THAT "are" spilling more red onto the floor. "lungs and stomach" is a plural subject, thus the subject takes the plural verb "are" instead of "is".

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

"Am I really meant to just die here? Is my existence important, am I important?" You are changing from a present tense to a past tense in this sentence, compared to the previous two sentences.

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Liz Franco Liz Franco
Recommendations: 3

Noteworthy (Prologue)


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Under the Double Star - Chapter One

It's short I know however I plan on making the chapters much larger than this. Really this is just a glimpse or a rough draft.


      I can't remember if I did anything noteworthy in my life. Maybe I'm just being humble but I am only one girl, staring down at my hands that are stained with red. Vivid and almost blinding on my pale skin, the same color that falls onto my shoulders in long waves. I can taste the red in my mouth as it fills my lungs and stomach; which is spilling more red onto the floor. I watch as if in slow motion as the drops fall onto the snow. It's so quiet. I start to feel emptiness surround me and my thoughts bounce around in my collapsing mind. Was I really meant to just die here? Was my existence important, was I important? I wish I knew the answer as I let myself fall onto the snow, covering the red in white. 3 comments


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